Seen what a drug addict does when they're trying to convince you they're done for good? Well, there wasn't a drug addict, instead it was a teenage girl. An attention whore, desperate for the spotlight and a chance to play the mistreated 'woes me' girl.

"I swear I'm not lying!"

Do you want an encore?

"What about me?! I'm going to be held back!"

This has to be gold.

So, I'm tired of hearing this story and her pleading to her mother that she doesn't know what she did, or that she can't seem to pull her shit together and how she supposedly takes the blame but plays the martyr in the story of her bad mistakes.

You fail, you failed, it's not going to change at school. No matter whether the school is in Redondo or San Diego, the letters don't magically change.

If I have to see those lines on her skin again, I'll kick her. She deserves that for being such an attention whore.

"Look at me, I'm all scarred because you broke me, oh woe's me my daddy yelled at me, my daddy I treat like shit and call names but oh he yelled at me and I put the knife in the cupboard just so you can see. See? I'm so depressed and lonely and no one understands me and I have to cut cut cut see? You see the lines I rolled up my sleeves can you see? LOOK!"

Fucking moron, I see it. You attention whore, when will you get enough? Because I'm sick of the attention you bring to this house, and the shit you pull. You got the door prizes, the backpack, the outfits.

So go home. Get counseling, play the martyr, start being real.

Right now you're all fake, and no one will want to be with you.

What can I say that hasn't already been said?

I've been drinking a little.

I'm tired a lot, just tired. Physically, mentally, spiritually. Haha, can I get a little soul out here?!

I don't know, it's my thinking again. Just getting me into the trouble I need to be in. Doesn't giving a shit about anything seem like a waste of time?

School. I don't see the importance. Stephens (yes, plural). I shouldn't care I think they're all cute. It's an impulse and I just don't want it there. Anything.

It's not a depression, I don't think. But I can't tell what it is. I'm not crying, not like I do when I'm mentally overwhelmed/depressed/pmsing. So, is it something new? A new wave of desired apathy? No way to seem to place it.

Things should go my way for a day. That'd be fun. Just have everything I plan work out nicely, have some kind of meaning, maybe even get a few good memories. I need a good distraction. Because apparently sex never worked for me. Pain did for a time, but that creates drama I don't want. Always comes with a price.

Should I be single or try to date? Do I even care enough to want to get along with someone for that long? Is Brad right in thinking that it's all just awkward situations. Or maybe I'm still a little buzzed, not drunk, and thinking a lot of things make sense.

So I figure I want nothing serious, but will the other side think the same way? If I did get with someone, that is. Because to tell the truth the only person I feel partial to is obsessed with wrestling and hasn't dated anyone. And he's 17. Oh joy.

Meh. I'm tired of bitching that I can't turn on the apathy. Sorry.