Last time I said I felt like dying.

As you can see now, I'm not exactly toe-tagged and headed for the furnace. Not that I want to be cremated... actually, I don't know. But that's besides the point.

Things have changed.

The cycle of life is a tricky one that I don't care to try to analyze. It's unfortunate enough that I get the urge to try to criticize myself, which is completely useless and often ends in a fetal position on my bed. So, steering from that, and using something clever I like to refer to as a transition-- which, coincidentally, is something I have a real problem with including in essays-- I bet you (the reader, or no one, or someone, or a pedophile, or Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, Hannibal Lecter... you get the idea) can just guess how I react when someone else decides they want to pass judgement.

Especially when they've only really talked to said person 2 times.

Mm. The background information is this: My best friend is now my boyfriend. This does not sound so weird in the detail that my best friend is a guy, no, but in the fact that I've suckered myself into another friend--> boyfriend scenario. Well, not suckered, he's lovely in all the right ways (ahem, and places). Last time I dated my good ole buddy (not the same boy), it ended in the loss of virginity and a very pissed off mother. But that's completely alright, she's crazy, and not in the good kind of "Let's take your anti-depressants now, honey," way. Think the whole "fire and brimstone" bible thumping "HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS and his views on premarital sex," type of crazy.

Back on topic. The now-boyfriend is a dream, that is the positive. Another positive is that I can tell my English 120 instructor that she can kiss my biracial ass and that's all I have to say, "Thank you, come again!"

That wasn't really back on topic, that last thing about the English.

Moving on.

The issue is with 'ze madre' of now-boyfriend. Fucking deija vu on a massive scale to me when I asked about the comment she made when I stayed over a week or two ago.

"They were practically having sex on the couch."

....

For the public's information, I was, in fact, caught on a couch the time I lost my virginity. I'll be DAMNED if I will be participating in coitus on that particular furniture ever again. Futhermore, I OBJECT!

This is damaging to my personal integrity and is libel towards my character in general. Why? Because she told now-boyfriend's stepmother as well, in those exact words. And in the near future, I am expected to be attending dinner with their family (now-b/f's dad, step-mom, and possibly the chill'uns). I'm like a horse shot in the ass with a tranq before I even get out of the gate. My reputation was damaged without even having done anything wrong.

And why hasn't this come up previously? He's only stayed over at my house too many times to count. I stay over once and I might as well have had "strumpet" stamped on my forehead.

This put a damper on my day yesterday, but now-boyfriend is too sweet to let me sulk and not tell him what's wrong. He tried to explain that his mother was a hard person to read, which to me sent red lights flashing, "STAY AWAY FROM THE RESIDENCE! Or at least from the couch."

I'm a dorky individual, I'm smart, I'm pretty tolerant of whatever someone's into (granted that it doesn't hurt my friends or me), but come on. Am I not worthy of having any benefit of the doubt concerning the situation? He was only my best friend for over a year and now since we're intimate I got the whore stamp.

This blows. I don't blow, this situation blows.

At this point, going over there is not a possibility, staying over there is a "hell no!" and, well, I don't know. Being around his mum is going to make me anxious now because I think she's going to pass judgement mighty quickly, and not in a positive light. It's unfortunate.

As to whether I am that far in the relationship with now-boyfriend... we keep the doors locked, lights out, and our mouths shut, but the bed's got a squeakin' problem every once and awhile. So, to Mama of now-boyfriend....

Nothing happened on the couch, nothing will ever happen on a couch involving coitus. But your boy just put it down last night like there was no tomorrow. :D